A Lesbian Mother's Handbook

Product Information

My wife and our donor are Italian… Mimi in Italian means my beloved…. It was an easy choice when we found it. Our youngest calls her Mimi or mom. Usually mom if I am not around or will say other mom…. We explained we did the name thing so not to confuse us or them and they can certainly call either of us mom. She had looked up YouTube videos of lesbian vloggers in other parts of the world. She watched films featuring same-sex couples and read a lot of reports on lesbian, bisexual and queer (LBQ) communities. She began to understand the language of the internet. I don’t know what is going on,” I said quietly, running my fingers along the edge of the sheet, my eyes filling. “I don’t know if this is normal anymore.” My oldest calls me mama and her other mom is mommy. We are divorced and I have remarried so my wife is her step mom. My current wife and I have a son – both kids call me mama and my wife (daughters step mom and sons mom) Ba -it’s Chinese for dad and the title she was most comfortable with. One of the inevitable parts about being a lesbian mom is that you’re going to get a lot of ridiculous questions ‒ some will make you giggle, and others will make you fume.

We are raising our son bilingual English/Spanish. In Spanish “a” at the end of a word signals feminine and “o” signals masculine. So Mamo sort of means “masculine or butch mom.” We both respond to Mom and Mommy. Our kiddo sees those as “category” words and switches to the right name Mama/Mamo for a specific parent.

They could be fined or imprisoned. But there is also the danger that people within their own communities may turn on them.

Millennials reach the promise land of orgasm one minute and five seconds sooner than older generations, who, it’s safe to say, just need some time, okay? They knew of a rich man who was interested in her. There was little time to lose, they insisted. At 20 she was getting on a bit.But when he looked at her quizzically, she says the full realisation of who she is hit her. I am a lesbian, Leila told herself.

Our 4yr old son calls me Baboo– it’s Italian for dad but many in our area aren’t aware of that. The donor was 100% Italian, so he is 50% Italian, 50% Dutch/English. When he gets older, he can decide if he wants to call me mom or what… Burundi is well known in the Great Lakes for its vibrant nightlife. Bujumbura has fewer than 500,000 inhabitants, but maintains a vivid youth culture. Our son chose to call me mommo at about 18 months old. Before that we were both mama. I called him baby-o and buddy-o, so I think that’s why I became mom-o. Our daughter just called us what my son already did. As a woman from a country like hers, Nella says her rights were already diminished. And as one of the 2% of Muslims in a majority Christian nation, she felt even more marginalised.

I am generally the working parent; my wife works part time. Kids have gone through a phase during which they call whatever mom is home “ mommy” and whatever mom is at work “ mama.” LAURA: I think we plan a lot more than a straight couple would. Natalie and I were discussing how we'd pay for the children's education before she got pregnant. It's all to do with having to make such an effort to try and have children – you're constantly reminding yourself what you went through to have them and that it was a more conscious decision than if you were to accidentally fall pregnant.

Instead, Teri turned to me. “You’re going to get better, kiddo,” she promised softly, our blue eyes inches apart, as she rubbed my arm. “I’m not going to leave you until you’re better.” Leila, Niya, Nella and their friends would often meet at these places. But listening to each other’s life stories led to a sombre realisation. Nibi or tuiste (“I love you Nibi”, “You’re the best tuiste ever”). I came out as non-binary when my kids were hitting their tween years, so they asked to rename me. Seeing how they felt Nini and Bibi were gender neutral but babyish, they combined them as a play on non-binary. We chose the word “tuiste” instead of parent to help differentiate between their father and I; it is Gaelic for parent and since I can trace my lineage to Ireland/Scotland, I felt drawing from that culture would be a good way to not appropriate from other cultures. I told myself and others that I was so immersed in Teri’s care because no one else could understand Teri’s medical issues and advocate for her. Mom was a nurse, meanwhile, and had my dad, a radiologist, my brother, also a radiologist, and my aunt, a nurse, for support. But the truth was that I wanted to help and be with Teri more, and she wanted me with her, so I was. Whenever I thought about this, I felt equal parts warrior and betrayer. I never knew who was going to die first, but in less than a year, Teri was gone. Two days after the funeral I felt exhausted and empty and ready, at last, to go to Mom. My family had been mostly understanding about my dedication to Teri, but occasional comments from my brother — “you only have one Mom, you know” — and my aunt — “You’re coming, right? Because I don’t think I can get her to the doctor myself” — made me feel that my loyalty was in question.There's this idea that because we stand out from the norm, we have to be better, like super-parents": (from left) Ross, Lara, Bell, Isaac and Ruth. Photograph: Ophelia Wynne for the Observer If you go with someone you know, it’s a good idea to consult an attorney to ensure that you have all parental rights outlined from the outset. Many members of the group say they have experienced violence at the hands of family members who became suspicious about their sexuality. We wanted a non-traditional name given my non-traditional identity as a mother. I look very stereotypically lesbian/androgynous. I thought something that sounded similar would be good so that it felt recognizable to other people. I decided Oomi would work. Almost immediately someone asked if it stood for “other mommy” which makes sense, so I often go with that if asked. NATALIE: Ash and I are both secondary-school teachers, so we do see neglected children or those who have absent fathers. We're very aware of what we shouldn't be doing.